Conceit
2004-08-02||xx||3:39 a.m.
I'm in a mood. I started out, if you will remember, in a near mood, since I couldn't get ahold of anyone for a ride to work (I HATE that, needing help like so), and I figured I would need to ride in in the rain. Bonilla did call me back though, and helped me in my quest to get to work, but, still i am moody. Of course, i have been moody for a few days now. I've just been chalking it up to my misery at work, but who knows? it may also have something to do with my immenent birthday this thursday, or that I have been at Pargos for a year with no reason to be, or, well, any fucking number of things. I like the word fuck right now, it's my friend. :)
All i know is I am moody. And it only compounded tonight at work. It started out alright, Mike and Autumn stopped in for a bit and seeing them was cheers, but that didn't last. First, it was sunday, and for some unknown reason we now have four closers on Sunday. We don't need four closers, hell, we really don't even need three, but that's the schedule. But Virgo was tired so I let him go early. (He's working multiple hours in order to buy a car.)
Anyways, we started running out of things and since I wasn't truly busy i started trying to make them in order to NOT run out of them. One of the things I started in on was coleslaw. I thought I had all the ingredients, but apparently we ran out of mayonaise and no one went to the store for a $2.39 jar of 32 oz mayo to get the FOUR FUCKING CUPS you'd need to make the stuff. So no, the FUCKING MANAGER SAT AT THE END OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BAR and had a FUCKING BEER at the end of his shift instead of getting mayonaise. If they had told me I could have brought mayo from home to keep from running out. For fucks sake, four cups. It was bad enough when the hose nozzle broke and I had to stop and buy one because i was tired of not being able to use the hose right to clean the floor, but come on! And then I made bubble bread, and so on. And later, i went to smoke a cigarette and everyone else was busy smoking so I went back in and made food and found out that i was missing things I needed on line to make the food. that's when i got mad, and I stayed fucking mad. The floor was slippery, there was water on the goddamned thing and I couldn't move without slipping everywhere and all the fucking servers were like I need this now, blah blah- FUCK YOU. I am not moving quick and hurting myself because I fell on wet floor. It's bullshit.
So, I started drinking wine about 9- I clocked out at 10:30ish, but I started early. This all on top of nearly having to walk home in the fucking thunderstorms last night because I wasn't told I would need to find a ride until we had already closed. It's just typical bullshit like that that has royally pissed me off and made the search for a new job/ jobs that much more neccessary and sweeter. Add that to the fact that i am FUCKING TIRED OF LIVING OUT OF GODDAMNED CARDBOARD BOXES and you have what i am dealing with/ feeling lately. I just want to punch things, to test my anger against something that gives.
And then tonight, Stacy was trying to make me feel better, or make me at least vent some of my anger... She meant well, but the road to hell is paved eternally with good intentions. I don't like to be indiscriminately touched. Hugs are fine, or intimacy etc, but someone coming up and pushing me, or fucking with my glassess, or just fucking with me does nothing but piss me off. Stacy meant well, and besides, she wasn't being mean so she didn't get the end results but there was a guy about two weeks ago that almost got the nasty end of a wild punch. i was getting there, I was coming close to losing my temper and my control and I was about to just go off. They would have had to pull me off, period.
Just... just fuck! Leave me alone sometimes, fucking idiots.
Lyrics....hmm, have to think about this one. I am listening to Linkin Park right now, but I need something angry enough to perfectly explain how I feel. Hold on.Got it. Pantera, how I love thee. Not just content to be an entirely too hot for your own good stripper from years past your also the name of the perfectly heavy band.
Conceit- love this song.It's my mood for sure.
9. Regular People (Conceit)
I've trampled on that road
That you think you own
You have that "smart ass" attitude
It's time to stop the fiction
I live it every day
While you're mind's far away
I'm out here putting pride on the line
And you case on me with pure respect
One chance at one thing
Hard time is coming
My time, your pain
I reign on you
[Pre]
You think you own
I take away
Take it with me
You think you own
I took away
Made it my own
[Chorus]
Most regular people would say it's hard
And any streetwise son of a bitch knows
Don't fuck with this
The so many times
You practice in your mirror
To be just like me
But you just can't see
You ain't got the balls, son
I fight for love of brother
Your friends fight one another
You can't see because your head's up your ass
And just in cast you think you're bad
I crush your rush
I rule YOU fool
I'm immovable stone in your world of weak -- I speak
[Pre]
[Chorus]
Cephy