Update on my brothert
2004-01-24||xx||2:15 a.m.
Oh lord, it has been for freaking ever since I updated. At least two weeks i would think, and that is due in part to me hibernating due to the cold, and the fact that things have been rough in my part of the world. As far as the cold goes- it's not, and I've been a fool for letting others tell me that it is. Fuck, i was out today in two t-shirts and a thin work-out pants and it was just over 10 degrees out. I joked that it was getting near shorts weather, but really, it could be. Nothing preventing me from riding my bike other than piss poor acceptance of other people's opinions of cold. Fuck that. I am fine- let the others deal with the chill, I'll just work up a sweat and do what I said i would do.
Otherwise, with my brother and his cancer issues, he had surgery on this past Monday. they had to remove a lung and a portion of the muscle surrounding his heart as it was infected as well. Though he was in pain for the first day, he's expected home tonight. Dad was preparing for that this morning and promised to let me know. Not that i can exactly drive over there or anything, it's a little far for that. But the point is he is doing better and the doctors claim he will be back to work in three months.
Three months, one lung and three months later and he can work again. Holy hell- my brother is a tough motherfucker...
What else? Had a breakthrough on a thought the other day. Kinda interesting actually. I found that i envy homosexuals in today's society and have decided to embrace the insults i was treated to as a child and channel them into being compliments instead. The reason why is fairly simple- where it was once politically incorrect to have a different bone in your body and be gay, or not part of the herd collective... things have now changed. I see those who are homosexual as being some of the most confident and self-assured people i know. Secure in their sexuality and sense of self, they are themselves for better or worse whether one approves or doesn't. They are unique in that the stresses of normality don't apply and there is a confidence that most don't possess.
Though I know that the intent of such words towards me as a child was more injurous than complimentary, i still acknowledge that I was referred thusly because of a difference from the rest of my school mates. For me, a sense of self and uniquity is very important and I am fully about being yourself without pressure to be like others. In that, I envy those who have already achieved that goal, and hope that one day i too will be me.
Difficult to understand, i know- maybe more difficult to explain.
Otherwise, I accomplished another goal I had set before myself and even now am closing in on the car portion of my goals. Maybe within a few weeks I will have conquered that one as well and will begin to work on the place of residence issue. Hopefully, but we shall see.
Anyways, that is the gnu's- and Amber, dear- whether you argue that you over eat or not, you will retain the sustenance and drive for your little one in yuir belly. Don't make me frown menacingly your way...
Lots of love!
Cephy