311- Good Band, Sad Entry
2003-12-02||xx||1:05 p.m.
It has been a virtual eon since I updated, and sadly, nothing really has happened much. In the news, it's getting colder, and I have to go out and buy a new bike for my journeys across town, but that's not that big of a deal. I am sure once I spend the $200+ I will think, damn big deal but right now....nah.
Otherwise- it's the holidays, been thinking a lot about life and death amazingly enough- been bothered by cancer lately- I don't know why really, it just occurred to me that it is a hot phrase for me- mention it and I get nervous, edgy, weird...
Had a rough night last sunday- just a horrible night at work that thankfully ended with one of my friend Mary's best Long Islands...she's the bartender and she made me a strong one. I was happy for several hours after chugging it. Very happy.
I've been thinking about Amber too, and still I am in disbelief that what was, isn't anymore. I think I will be dealing with this for some time to come, and unfortunately, I have no shortage of time on my hands to do just that.
Dad was poking into my relationship with her the other day, asking if I had seen her, talked to her- I don't know why but it made me uncomfortable. Like, I am fine if I offer info, or start a conversation about her, but I just don't feel good discussing my sex life, or past girlfriends with my father. Being a failure at life is bad enough, but for him to make me feel like I am nothing in every other arena is just not something I want to deal with.
And that's the gist of this- I can't wait to get back online for myself, this writing at the library- I know my diaries have suffered because of it...
Peace,
Jon