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2003-08-10||xx||12:53 a.m.
Today was one of those days. I just couldn't seem to get a start on anything. Which, after the day is done and over with you just sit back and regret because the day was wasted. I don't get it, or rather, i do get it and it's gonna be tough to break the cycle. See, i didn't go to bed all that late, no four in the morning, it was more like two and since I'll have a night schedule with Pargos when they give me a schedule, it's gonna be much like that anyways. Home late, in bed late, up early and off to work. I don't know where the second job will come from, but I have to have it to survive. If nothing else but to break this cycle I am in.
See, my sister's house is air conditioned, and I have found that when it's cold, I hibernate. I slept past my alarm this morning, and when Jackie was up early doing stuff to prepare for the bug guy's visit today she handed my bird off to me. Well, i was bleary and went back to sleep and presumably so too did Jinx. I don't know, i woke up later. What exactly the bird was doing from the time I got her to the time I woke up is a mystery to me.
So the day blew, because not only did I not get a jump start on my day like I wanted to, but I also discovered another thing that makes me go augh. Because Jackie doesn't have a vacumn, and she's waiting for the school year to start to start getting the cleaning service again there is a ton of cat dander and fluffy bird feathers in the house. And, because the house never gets opened, she living by virtue of the almight air conditioning, my sinuses have been going apeshit. I feel like I have an earache, and I sneeze a hell of a lot more than i ever did before.
I've been disgusted with the idea though, of walking two hours across town to get to work, even with the bus routes and such, and so I am going to call my dad next week and see if possibly my bike still exists there at the house. I hope it does, I'd much rather ride a bike than walk the two hours to work. I am going to attempt to rely on friends that I close with for the ride home, or at the very least a ride closer to home for the time being.
Speaking of closer to home, I picked up the paper today and saw a listing for a really nice place downtown that I want to go and have alook at for Amber and I. And, of course, I get slightly confused by a direction and ask my sister where a certain street starts. And, as were discussing the location of what i think is what and where she thinks this thing starts and truthfully, i think she's fucking bonkers and wrong...., she asks why I'm curious. And I say I noticed an apartment listing that seemed to be there and that was a better area of town than other ones, if it was where I was thinking.
The next thing that comes out is , well, ok, maybe I should just set the scene. Small kitchen, I am at the stove, making a peanut butter and banana sammich, or rather two, and she is sitting on the steps behind me, with Jinx. And here's how it goes...
Jackie: An apartment? Jon why? You just got here.
Me: Um, Amber? (the unspoken thing there is of course, you know, my fiance', the girl I am in love with, how blatant can such a mentioning be?)
Jackie: Does she have any money saved up?
Me: Yes( and I mention the amount she stands to receive back from her old apartment)
Jackie: Well, that's maybe one month, and she'd still have a security deposit to...
Me: "We.."
There was more of course, there always is. i know my sister means well, but why is it after every conversation with her I come away feeling like I am seriously doubted by the rest of my family? I mean, right now I am further down financially than I have ever been. I have a job that starts sometime this week, yeah, that's great but it is across town and not a short distance to walk to. I don't have a car, I don't have any money. My bank account here in town took a monthly fee when i left town that dropped it into the negatives, and as a result of taking a hefty fee, was closed. Yeah, I suppose when you look at it that way I'm in trouble, and of course maybe in that one instant you can see why my uncle would offer to get me on my feet in Oregon and my sister would be pushing for me to do just that. Except....
Except there is one major thing that they are all forgetting...or rather person. See, i have the number one best girlfriend/fiance' anyone could ask for, and very soon she is going to come here to be with me and were going to start our life together. Sure, i know it will be tough on us both, her being so far from her friends and family and everything, and in a new state, and me, well, just I know that the money will be tight for a while. That's good though, might teach me to put it where it needs to go, instead of what I want in that moment.
See, Amber's a huge influence on me, and I want to do right by her. If that means being more mature and growing up even a little, and being more responsible, well then that's what I'll do. I know I have a lot of work to do to get to a comfortable setting, but I'm more than willing to work for it. I'm going to the park on saunday, but on monday I'm getting up and walking down here to the nearest shopping center. There's a few places in there that I can apply at, namely a grocery store and a few resteraunts, and possibly a liquor store as well, and then from there, I shall continue on across town. I won't be too worried about dressing to impress, I'll save that for my interviews and stuff. I hope to have a second job by the end of the week, and be in much better shape as far as having money for when Amber gets down here. I can't wait to live with her, it's going to be such fun. Originally, we had thought to find a roommate, but now...I think I just want to live with her. I'm going to call a few places next week and see if I can set up times to go and look at apartments. I think, in one way, that I let myself get scared at the level of crime that has been going on here lately. People getting shot in certain areas of town, purse snatchings and stuff, but then I remembered...I was the guy who used to walk through the toughest areas in town at the shittiest times of night. I'm good where I'm going, because I know how to stay away from shit. I should be ok... in fact, i may call the one place I used to work at and see if their hiring again. Working at a trash company again would be good for me, and I could udse the hardwork.
Well, it's late, and I gotta be up kinda early. See you all later.
Amber, I love you- sleep with angels sweetheart.
G'night,
Jon